chicago. it's been over a month since i've written. i don't think i've ever been so happy. i don't think i've ever been so sad. i miss my brother. i miss my pop, jacques, charlie, elise. everybody at home. i miss everything that i used to know. but here... everything is new. i'm in love with everything around me. the city is beautiful. at times, it seems like nothing changes. there are no trees, and it seems like without the leaves changing, there are no seasons. without the seasons, how will i know how to change? it's all myself from here on, and the thought of it scares me. i've never been so alone. but i have never been loved so much by a single person this way, and it's intriguing. trying to figure out the way someone's mind works is excruciating work, but worthwhile in the end. i think i've figured out a lot of things since i've come here. a lot of things about davey, and more things about myself. it's kind of scary knowing that i have some things that some people will never grasp. it's sad. but liberating in a way. half of me wants to go home. the other half wants to stay here because i'm in love. i've never felt this way before. like i'm being torn in half by gigantic strong arms with such incredible force, and it's one way or the other, but not without losing a piece of me.